The Seventy-Second Time
by queenbibliophile
Summary: This is Jane Potter's seventy-second time asking out Lyle Evans. And he is not amused. Genderbent!Jily. Rated T for language.


**A/N: So its not exactly what ObeliskX requested, but I was blocked. Sorry :D**

* * *

I'd asked Evans out for the first time in third year. That _fucking_ Snivella Snape butted in before he could say anything.

The second time, I'd managed to corner him – without his ever present slimy crony tagging behind me shooting daggers at me with her eyes. Severa Snape was so in love with him it made me gag. Also, she was ugly.

Like, extremely ugly.

The third time he hexed me. I was lying Stunned in the middle of the hallway with my Cloak covering me head to foot for _twenty-four hours_ before Wormtail tripped over me and the three of my wonderful friends managed to find me.

I swear, that bloke was _completely_ into me.

The fourth time he snapped my broomstick in half. I couldn't play Quidditch properly for three weeks because she somehow managed to convince Severa to ask Slughorn not to schedule any Hogsmeade weekends for a month. I had to use Siri's broomstick, and she had found the situation so hilarious she hexed her own broom to buck up and down every time I tried to use it.

I liked my food better when it was _inside_ me. Not all over my hair.

The fifth time he _Levicorpus_ 'd and charmed me to somersault in the air at dizzying speeds. As a Quidditch player, I should be used to it, but I'd still thrown up after Moony convinced Evans to let me down.

Sometimes I really hate Severa. Thanks to her, Siri _Levicorpus_ 'd me three more times in the following week and Moony did nothing _whatsoever_ to help me.

The sixth time was in fourth year. I asked him politely and he accepted, only for him to hex my broom in the next Quidditch practice to fly uncontrollably in the air and spell out 'In your dreams, Potter!" with the smoke that my broom was suddenly emitting from its tail.

Lyle Evans is rather fond of me up-chucking my guts.

The seventh time, he asked Snivella to give me a potion before a Quidditch match that I was playing against Slytherin. He _said_ it was a Calming Draught, but it turned my hair a different colour each day for the next four months. I didn't even _know_ some of those colours existed.

My pride had been hurt so much, I didn't ask him out the four months my hair was acting up, and I didn't dare talk to him for a month after that ordeal. I still find that my hair turns a bright neon colour every five seconds if I insult Snape. Of course, it's worth it.

What a damned knight in shining armour. Can Snape not fend for herself? I bet that she pretends to be such a damsel in distress just so Evans can save her and all that stuff and nonsense.

I'd given up until I heard that he turned down Katherine Smythe saying that 'even Potter had better hair' from Remy.

Of course, Remy was the only one Evans wouldn't be caught dead with, so I guess he was allowed to say that.

I doubled my efforts to ask him out after that.

I asked him out.

He hexed me.

I asked him out.

He put me in the hospital wing.

I asked him out.

He mutilated my broomstick. _Again_.

I asked him out.

He said he'd rather kiss Lucia Malfoy.

Eww.

I asked him out.

He told me to go and do the Potions I'd been neglecting.

I asked him out.

He told me to stick my broom up my arse.

I'd rather Snivella did that.

I asked him out.

He called me a stalker.

I asked him out.

He jinxed me.

And so on.

And on.

And on.

* * *

This is my seventy-second time asking out Lyle Evans.

I peeked around the corner.

"Wish me luck." I told the three gits standing in front of me. Siri grinned.

"You don't need it." She answered confidently. I began to smile gratefully at her until she opened her damn mouth again. "He's just going to turn you down again anyway."

She, Moony and Wormtail fell over each other laughing and high-fiving. I snorted.

"You're all gits, you know that?" I commented idly, turning around the corner to peek at Lyle again.

"But you love us anyway." Wormtail giggled.

"I do not."

"Yes you do, Prongs." Moony nudged me side and began to tickle me. I squirmed.

"Stop that!"

And then Siri ruffled my hair.

"Will you freaking _stop that_?!" I screeched at her. "Like my hair isn't messy enough already!"

"Leave it to the mistress of sexiness to decide how your hair should look, Prongs." Siri replied, fidgeting with a few strands.

I was glad to see I wasn't the only one who started laughing. Remy and Petra fell over.

"Yeah, right." Wormtail snorted. Siri looked offended.

"It's true!" She struck a pose. We only laughed more.

"Prongs, hurry up and get your arse out there before Evans leaves the hallway!" Moony whisper-yelled, pushing me out from the corner we were hidden in. I scowled at her, straightening my glasses and say that Lyle was arguing with Snape.

I sauntered up to the two of them.

"You know, Snivella, it's quite rude to incessantly bug a guy when he so clearly doesn't want anything to do with you." I commented dryly.

If looks could kill, I'd be six feet underground.

"Yes, because you _never_ incessantly bug Lyle, do you?" She spat, eyes blazing.

"Severa, Jane. I don't need to deal with you right now."

"Lyle, this is between the two of us, so just _please_ do not butt in!" Severa snapped at him. His eyebrows creased angrily.

"Oh, shut up, Snivella. You're a right git, and that's final." I lazily waved my wand at her, and she found she couldn't speak.

My hair turned neon.

"Oh fuck." I tried to cover my mess of hair with my arms.

Lyle looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"Evans, take this charm off of me _this instant_."

"Um, no. This is too entertaining."

"It's been six months!"

"I freaking don't care." He said monotonously. Severa looked like she wanted to howl with laughter. Unfortunately for her, she couldn't make a sound. I do love a good _Silencio_ hex.

My hair turned back to black. I shot a discreet look behind me and saw Remy with her wand out. She winked.

I turned back to Lyle.

"Go out with me, Evans?" I asked him.

"No."

"I bet you haven't dated a Quidditch player before."

He started to walk away, completely blowing Snap off. I grinned, before I began to follow him.

"I dated Zola McStein for about three months." He replied, jogging up a staircase. I resolutely kept up with him.

"She's not as great a player as I am." I winked at him. "Besides, you broke up with her."

"Lay off, Potter. I only broke up with her because she confessed she was in love with Alarick Johnson."

"Johnson? You should've dated him instead. He's a better Quidditch player than McStein."

He stopped at the top of the staircase, one step above me. I looked up at him.

"Listen, Potter. I _don't_ want to go out with you. Severa was right when she said that you incessantly bug me all the time. And right now, I'm late for Transfiguration and McGonagall will _Avada_ me if I'm any later because I'm already falling behind. I don't have the patience to hex you right now."

"You know, if you needed a tutor, you could've just asked."

"Grow up, Potter."

He turned away and slipped into a classroom on the left of the hallway. I shrugged and made my way down the stairs where Siri, Remy and Petra were looking at me sympathetically.

"Better luck next time, Prongs." Petra punched my shoulder softly.

"Whatever. I'm hungry. Do we have any candy in the dorm?" I asked them Remy shook her head.

"No, but we could raid the kitchen."

I grinned.

"Let's go."

* * *

 **A/N: I'm still taking requests!**

 **Mimi Out!**


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